It's been quite a stressful couple of days. Emotionally, anyway. I come to realize that I lost a decent amount of weight, yet I'm living off junk food because we never have a bulk amount of money to just go to a grocery store every so often, or whenever I suggest living cheap till I find work so we'll have more saved (IE: 99c Store, Ramen, etc), no one else in the house agrees. Picky ass eaters, man.

So the whole Marika thing got to me (oh by the way if you want the actual story of what happened just message me. It's fucked up so I'd rather explain it personally, if I HAVE to repeat it again), and I've just been saying "screw it all" and drinking/smoking myself into a comatose bliss of intoxication. I just don't know how someone could put such a negative label on me. I don't consider myself a bad person. AT ALL. I know I'm stubborn and I have a tendency to flip out, but I'm good at heart and in the end I try to live my life righteously. Am I wrong here?

But yes, the point is, I've been drowning myself in bottles upon bottles upon bottles and smoking everything I can get my hands on. I'm not trying to push blame on what happened with Marika, but subconsciously I know it's a major issue I'm not over, and it's supporting my bad habits. The house was in ruins, the floor is filthy, the disposal doesn't work so we have NO clean dishes mostly because Devon won't take 10 minutes to go to the office and tell them it's broken (because none of the rest of us are on the lease), and MY corner is piled with clothes because my goddamn door handle broke for my closet before I even moved back in.

That's when it hit me tonight after I sobered up. I don't want to live like this. I don't want this to be 'the party house' anymore. I want this to be somewhere I can enjoy living at, not ashamed that if (heaven forbid) I found a decent girl and I wanted to bring her home. I can't bring her home to THIS. I want to change my whole way of life so I can pull myself out of this slump I've been in the last couple of years of rebellion, but it's pretty fucking hard to do so when influences and addictions are all you see everyday. For some there's no way out. I don't want to fall into that category.

So it was exactly midnight tonight, and I was smoking a cigarette listening to The Adventure by Angels and Airwaves. That song always brings me up when I'm down. Then I looked down at my 'ashtray'. And if you haven't been to my house; my ashtray is a beat up old tire Rusty left on the back porch before he moved out. Since Ryan melted my Jack in the Box cup I was using as an ashtray one night, I just flipped the tire on it's side and had everybody throw their butts inside of the tire's rubber as a temporary solution till we got a flower pot or something. Little did I know everyone would get completely disrespectful and lazy and just toss them in that general direction, resulting in fucking up the balcony, getting my floor dirty so I can't go out back barefoot, and the worst part being the ashes are falling to the first floor of my neighbor's back porch because the floorboards have gaps in between them. I finished my cigarette, and just automatically started cleaning the house. I found a grand total of 6 budweiser cans, 6 coors light cans, 52 MGD bottles, 2 MGD 40oz bottles, 2 32oz Corona bottles, and a 5th of Southern Comfort. Not to mention the couple of liquor bottles we saved above the fridge, but those are for show. That's when I got pissed and considered it necessary to rant.

BY THE WAY: A necessary truth for you guys; the other day we got a COMPLAINT from management too. So this next segment will be a little harsh. For justified reasoning of course.

I swear to god I love my friends, but I've had enough of the disrespect.

I know some don't mean to do it, and I know it's force of habit. But EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO HAS BEEN IN THIS HOUSE HAS DONE AT LEAST 1 OF THESE THINGS:

-Spilled beer/bong water/soda/etc on the carpet, and left it there
-Stole 1+ lighters
-Leave your garbage in the living room (Me and Ryan sleep there. Knock it off)
-Sleep on the futon and don't even bother to push it back into a couch
-Tossing the Wii remotes anywhere you damn please. (They're $40+ people, Fuckin THINK.)
-Take DVDs out of the DVD player and DON'T put it back in the case
-Toss cigarettes anywhere NEAR the ashtray tire. Not IN it.
-Blasting the TV or Music after 9:30-10pm
-Stepped on your cigarette to put it out and leave the butt there.
-Leaving bottles/cans/caps/cigarette boxes on the balcony where it would eventually fall off.
-PISSING OFF THE BALCONY (HAVE SOME FUCKING DECENCY)
-TAGGING SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE WHERE ITS OBVIOUS SOMEONE AT OUR APARTMENT DID IT.
-Use at LEAST 1 dish or piece of silverware and either:
a)Leave it somewhere (usually where it'll get stepped on)
b)Hide it and forget about it
c)Put it on ANY counter in the kitchen assuming it's fine. BTW: It's not.
d)Toss it in the sink and leave it there.

I hate to sound like a prick, but all this shit pisses me off. Out of everyone who comes to kick it with us, 90% OF YOU are people we hang out with all the time; most times being at this apartment. I have NO problem having you guys come over. But seriously, can you just have the fucking respect to NOT destroy the place we sleep? I didn't realize how much you guys treat this place like a fuckin clubhouse until recently, and honestly I can't understand WHY you guys would think this shit is alright to do on a regular basis.

This is the deal: This isn't a house. We live in a paper-thin walled apartment on the second floor above a family with kids. When you get loud, throw stuff, kick your cigarette butts, piss off the balcony, the family BELOW us has to suffer for it. I dunno about YOU, but I think it's fucked up to do that to people you don't even know.

If not for that, then do it for the people who fucking LIVE in this apartment. Yes, we make messes too, but at the same time, think of the mess YOU ALONE leave behind. Now times that by about 5. Then times THAT by 7 days in a week. We get that much AND more because we always have people coming by. If we're trying to prevent making the mess, what makes you think we'll be okay with you just fucking it back up? We're not your fucking slaves guys. We opened up our home to you guys, and you return the favor by trashing the place.

It really makes me not want to invite people over here anymore.

So unless you guys fucking grow up and start respecting apartment 22, you might be S.O.L. in regards to a place to hang out and drink or smoke. It's your choice until the actual RESIDENTS in the house make the decision ourselves.

Goodnight.