Aiight, so I was kickin it alone again today, and I come up with an idea. See, I've never had true closure with my real father, and I feel like I should find a way to tell him my last words without having to deal with his shit, let alone look at him. So I was thinking of recording a song and sending it to him.

Now, to those who don't know the story, I'll fill you in:

When I was 4-5, my dad was constantly cheating on my mom with this woman named Janie across the street in our neighborhood. This all occurred right after his life risking accident at his job; he was locked inside a forklift he was using when it malfunctioned and sent him headfirst through a fiberglass window. He needed major head surgery and was expected to die soon after. But (unfortunately) he survived and was sent home on disability leave.
Anyways, this went on for months while my mother was working multiple shifts and hours at Safeway to make ends meet. Because I was always there, he dragged me with him, her and her son Billy and left me and Billy at a sort of daycare center called Kid's Park, while he and Janie snuck around town and kept screwing my family over. Soon after neighbors began to inform my mother, and no matter how many times she confronted him, my father denied the whole deal, saying the neighbors were trying to destroy our family. But my mom knew the truth.
Eventually my dad kept buying me things so I wouldn't say anything, until one night (and I distinctly remember this) my mom came into my room when I was about to go to sleep, and asked me for the truth. And I told her. They split up that night.
After that my parents went to court, and my mom suddenly became disabled from Multiple Sclerosis and had to leave her job. She couldn't take care of me with her financial situation and stress so she had me live with my dad until she could handle her life better. My father and Janie started an open relationship and forced me to move with them to several different areas around the bay. The whole time this was going on my stepmother (they got married) was heavy into speed and her and my dad fought constantly, breaking every fuckin thing in the house. She also kept trying to fight with my mom over things that didn't even concern her. Not to mention she, as well as my dad, favored her son over me, so I was constantly verbally and physically abused.
During that time my mother met up with a guy named Sean, and they moved in together. Sean was the most caring father figure I've ever had in my life. He was addicted to a number of drugs, but he did all in his power to make me feel like a son. Because their home made me feel like family and my father scared the shit outta me on a regular basis (not to mention I only got visitation to see my mom every other weekend), I kept fighting with my dad to get me to move in with them. He physically forced me to stay with him. Eventually my little brother, Sean Jr., was born in the late 90s.
By the time I was 15, my dad dragged me with HIS family to Oakley, where I met most of my bay area friends. Eventually he and Janie split up, so it was just me and him living there, among his multiple love interests that never worked out. So being the only other person in the house, I got tormented constantly at home. My mother broke up with Sean because of his drinking and moved up to Redding, so I was alone. Eventually the pressure of being abused and suicidal, I ran away to Redding with my mother. He disowned me.

So that's the general story. I didn't get into too much detail because there's alot of shit I'm still not over, and I want him to know that. I'm going to record a song and send it to him. I'll put it online before I do.